When Did We Start Hating Big Families?

A friend of mine recently shared this picture on Facebook, and I laughed at it, a little bit sadly, I’ll admit.


It was kind of sad because the picture is very, very true. I only have three kids, but it’s already true. People in this country just are not friendly towards people with big families. Why is that? I don’t know when it happened, that two kids was the preferred amount of children and three was pushing it — and even then, only acceptable if you were trying for a different gender — but for whatever reason, it is no longer acceptable for people to have large families.

I hear it everywhere I go. The more mundane comments are extremely frequent, ranging from, “My, you have your hands full!” to “Oh, honey, God bless you,” to the outright pity of, “I’m so sorry for you, your life must be over!” Sometimes they’re much more rude. There was the woman at Disney World — the Biergarten in Germany at EPCOT, specifically — who asked how old our kids were and then, upon our reply, looked at us in disgust and said, “You know what causes that, right? I mean, get it under control!” I had heard these types of comments before, but it was the first time anything like that had been said in front of my husband, who quickly went into a near murderous rage. I can only imagine that she must have seen it on his face, because after dropping her little bomb, she quickly ran away.

Then there was the guy at Walmart, back when we were still living at Camp Lejeune and my husband had just gotten out of the Marine Corps. I was getting ready to move back to our hometown of Jacksonville, FL, just a few short weeks after I had given birth to our youngest, Ivy. A woman asked me how old my kids were, and I answered — two, one, and a newborn. A man behind us heard, and felt compelled to inject his opinion. He told me that my husband and I needed to stop having sex so much (except instead of “having sex”, he used a different word which I’m sure you can guess), and that he loved his wife too, but enough is enough. He said this to my back, which isn’t entirely surprising, I guess. I whirled around and asked him if he had a problem, and in response, he walked away.

There are also people that think that I shouldn’t have more children because Wyatt, my son with Down syndrome, is just such a burden. Or something. I never quite understood that. He has an extra chromosome. Calm down, people. Besides, more children equals more people to take care of Wyatt after my husband and I are gone.

How many positive comments have I received about my children? Just one. I was grocery shopping, and a man walked up to me and asked how many kids I had. I replied three, and then braced myself for the inevitable: the look of shock, the “you have your hands full” comment, asking if we were “done” now… the type of thing people always say when they realize I broke the rules and had more than the 2.1 children that are allotted to American families today. He replied, “Oh, you’re so lucky!” I almost cried. Because yes — yes, we are so lucky. My children are a blessing, all three of them.

This isn’t just my experience. Every single couple I know that has three or more children have the same experiences I have had, because we, as a culture, are not friendly to big families. And how did that happen? Why did it happen? It’s something that I just can’t quite understand. When did we stop looking at children as the blessings that they are? I honestly wonder sometimes if our abortion-minded culture of convenience plays a role. It must have some kind of effect, because when we tell people that children are only to be had when they’re convenient and everything in our lives are settled perfectly in place, then children stop being blessings and start being commodities. We’re taught, basically from childhood, that before we get married and have children we should have all our ducks neatly in a row. We can’t just have a job, it has to be the job, which pays well and has awesome insurance and makes us feel fulfilled and happy every day. We have to make sure we’ve bought the perfect house and have perfect cars and maybe have the perfect dog before we should even think about having children. But of course, by the time we’ve reached that point, for many of us it’s too late to have children naturally. So then it’s fertility doctors and IVF and surrogates, because we see children as products to be bought and sold. Everyone who wants a child should be able to have one, even if they waited until they were 42 to get started.

And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about whether or not people should be waiting so long to have kids, or that there’s anything wrong with being an older parent, or that fertility treatments are evil. The point is that we have a mindset in this country that children are accessories to be added to your perfect life. So much of raising children is focused on money and time and stress and lack of sleep. We’re told that our lives will be over when we have kids, so we all feel like we have to get everything out of the way first. And when people see a “big” family, and especially one like mine where they’re all so close together, I think they find it uncomfortable. People find it selfish or irresponsible. They leer and turn away in disgust and, at best, make uncomfortable comments that there is no good reply to. We’re looked down upon. Plain and simple, that’s what it is. It makes sense though. In a country where children are commodities, products to be bought and sold when it becomes convenient, then of course people who have more than what’s considered acceptable will be sneered at and insulted.

We need to start seeing children for what they are: gifts and blessings to be cherished, not objects to be purchased and scheduled at our convenience. Whether a person is blessed with one child or six of them, it’s a lesson we need to remember.


640 thoughts on “When Did We Start Hating Big Families?

  1. jill says:

    AS a mother of nine children myself, I find that many times people make comments and a large number of them are neutral. “My your hands are full” isn’t negative in my opinion, just accurate, most parents’ hands are full. I think how I respond sets the stage for them person making the comment. I usually say, ” A great kind of full!” or something similar. Often they will respond something positive about a big family they know or something like, “I don’t know how you do it”.

    Our joy and sense of humor is key. When my oldest kids were little, we talked regularly about how noticeable big families are. If all our kids were doing the same thing that one or two children do sometimes, it can look over the top obnoxious. So it’s important to get their wiggles out at home and be calm when shopping or whatever.

    • John says:

      9 kids wow! That is really excessive. What would make anybody feel like it’s necessary to have that many kids today? Not trying to sound mean. Overpopulation is a real thing.

      • Jen says:

        Wait, are you cracking a joke due to the article….or did you read yet fail to understand/agree with the article? Overpopulation is a joke and all you need to know that is to drive through the US or Google maps africa/south America and see how empty it is. There are more then enough resources, it’s the access (usually controlled by governments) to said resources and education that is lacking. And we arent talking about a mom with 6 kids with different biodads but a loving committed couple choosing to raise a family together. I’m second of seven and as adults we help each other out and have this support network you cant buy or match because it’s out of love. If I had the ability I’d provide that for my kids. As it is I sacrificed my health due to an adult onset disability to give my son siblings and I’d make the same choices again.

      • Doug says:

        Over population is only in certain spots of the world. I have been to more than a dozen countries and all over the united states. If a person is worried about the world being over populated, then they shouldn’t have children, not tell others not to. I believe over population is a major problem as much as I believe in santa and flying reindeer. Sorry, but to many people read it or hear it and believe it. The problem lies more with greed and love of money. You have countries that most people make a hand full of people rich, and the gov. caters to the rich. This includes America. People look up to the rich and in reality the poor hard working people made them rich.If people don’t believe that they have no business talking about over population.

      • Peggy says:

        Really what gives you the right to say someone is overpopulating? I believe if your capable of taking care of your children no matter how many then more power to you. If you raise your children with manners and respect and teach them how to be productive citizen where they live then that’s wonderful have 9 12 or 24 kids. We need more kind people and less judge mental people

      • Susan says:

        Actually overpopulation is not a real thing. People keep saying it so people without fact checking just believe it. Large families have always been the norm until the past 40-50 years. Children are beautiful gifts and should be cherished.

    • John says:

      I’m not goin to argue in the comment section with you about whether overpopulation is real or not. Look at places like china and India an tell me it’s not. What just because we still have some forest and open space left that means we should keep overpopulating even more? That’s make sense. http://www.howmany.org/big_picture.php.I can post article all day about how overpop is a real problem. It just amazes the mindset of some ppl. Make some damn friends you don’t have to have 12 bro and sisters for somebody to have your back. Take some birth control and stop! Please before we completely destroy this earth. I know these religious fanatic weirdos don’t believe in contraceptives so just stop having sex then. You don’t need 10 kids to have a good family. It’s just so ridiculous

      • Rachel says:

        The problem with your comment is that big families used to be the norm and were all still doing just fine. If you want to control population move to China.

      • Andrew says:

        Rachel, it was the norm and look what that has created. A population explosion in the past few decades. And it is gettin worst. We are destroying forests, species, rain forests resources etc. as are pop continues to grow we continue to take up more space. It’s not even an arguement you or anybody on here that doesn’t “believe” in overpopulation can win. I haven’t seen one valid response on how it’s not a problem. Everybody’s response is if I want to have 10 kids I can. Everybody realizes it a problem but not everyone is willing to put there own selfish desires off an do the right thing. Anybody that doesn’t believe it’s a real problem is an idiot.

      • What religious fanatic weirdos don’t believe in contraceptives? I don’t know of any and I’m a fundamentalist. That being said, we are opposed to taking a life, abortion.

    • Yakusoku says:

      @Jen – The comment judging families with lots of combinations of biological parents is also really hurtful…think whatever you want about the parents, but growing up in such a family (one mom, five dads, six kids) can be a painful thing, because sharing about it is so convoluted and people are really judgmental. Do I appreciate the chaos I grew up in? Not really. Did my siblings and I, as children OR adults (well one is still a child until next year), need to grow up being judged or having hurtful comments made about our family, when it always already confusing and unstable? No. I come from a large family, though spread out across many years. I chose to have a small family, based on what I felt we could provide our kids. Number two is a “surprise” coming after number one turns six. Both the family I belong to and the family I have made (in a stable marriage of 11 years, 16 together) have one thing in common: the children born are blessings and don’t need to have the baggage of overhearing being thought of as mistakes or burdens. I do agree statements about having your hands full are largely neutral. I have a few friends with largish families and I will readily compare their busy-ness to my own and wonder how they do it, because I grew up in such a family, and helped raise much younger siblings, so I know what it’s like! It’s meant as praise and an invitation (that all parents sometimes need) to talk about any overwhelm they might (probably do) have.

    • My answer to “your hands must be full” is a smile and “better full than empty”. Mostly I respond cheerfully and any paranoid potential criticism that I hear vanishes pretty quickly. Nobody has ever made a comment to be about how I should have sex less often or whatever. Maybe I just have a “don’t mess with me” face. Nobody bothered me about nursing toddlers or tandem nursing in public, taking my infants to use the toilet in the bathroom instead of changing their diapers or any one of the other “strange” things I do.

      When did four become large, anyway? I have four, two boys and two girls, just like bookends. I’m probably too old to have more biological kids, but my husband and I are both struggling with finances and health problems, so it wouldn’t be a good time anyway. Not that it stops the 6 year old from planning about “the next baby”.

  2. ammana says:

    you lost me at “abortion-minded”. I despise language that is so passive-aggressively judgemental.

    I have 4 kids and my hands ARE full. So are yours with 3 kids, it’s ok to admit it, and be ok with the fact that others don’t understand it. Who cares if people point it out: it’s their opinion, why does it bother you so? Take it as a compliment.

    • Bree says:

      Completely agree Ammana. I have 6 all close in age and I don’t feel at all judged. Sure people make comments at the grocery store… how can they not? I look like a walking circus. But are they mean spirited or judgmental? No. They are simply ice breakers to start a more meaningful conversation or an attempt to put a smile on my frazzled face. I think mom’s that are super defensive feel defensive because of their own mommy guilt. Let it go mamas.

      And I won’t even get into the whole “abortion-minded” or equating IVF to buying children. Wow… now who’s making offensive statements?

      • Me says:

        “Your family is beautiful” — good ice-breaker.

        “Cross your legs” — bad ice-breaker.


    • Me says:

      Many of these comments are hardly compliments.

      I remember us being asked at many, many pregnancy checkups if we were planning on aborting our baby. Abortion-minded doesn’t even begin to describe it. I have no problem at all evaluating people who are proud (and loud) about their support for abortion — they *want* to be seen as abortion-minded. If you look at polling, there’s no argument. http://www.gallup.com/poll/1576/abortion.aspx

      My hands are indeed full with my four kids. My wife is even more actively engaged. That’s how it’s supposed to be! Since when was leisure your birthright?

      It amuses me that you take such umbrage at Cassy’s expression of her opinion, then do a volte-face and tell her to lighten up. :)

      • emily says:

        I totally agree! i have five- gasp! And people are so nasty. We dont sit at home all day. We travel, we are in stores, we go out, and the things people say are appalling! I truly dont get it- HOW does it affect them? We feel so blessed and enjoy them so much! Its just plain rude, that most of time I dont even know how to respond because I am in shock!

      • Harmony says:

        Those of us who support the right to abortion- are not ‘abortion minded’ as you put it. Many of us have children. It’s not about a disrespect for life or not believing that children are precious. It’s about what is best for the potential child. You may be blessed with a husband, and own your own home, and have plenty of food on your table, and be addiction free~ but most aren’t so lucky and mass amounts of children are being born unwanted. But then what? The fetus has a right to be born…but not a right to be taken care of. Those who support abortion don’t actually support those very children being taken care of in the world. As long as you don’t abort them, it’s okay to throw them away once they’re here. We support the right for every woman to choose what’s best for her. It’s not from this belief that all children should be aborted. That’s absurd and an absolute judgement about others and their thoughts and understandings.

        You have the right to have as many children as you want. As long as you are actually caring for those children and being a good parent, who cares how many you have? Others can’t imagine, because in their mind there are more important things than having a family. In this world where the poor far outweigh the wealthy, where people have to work 3 jobs just to support themselves, when costs are high and income low…most people’s idea of a nightmare is to add more mouths to feed to that situation and to have children you know you won’t ever get to see or actually raise. It’s logical, not judgmental.

        In your life, you’re blessed to be able to support many children. Our society doesn’t support big families anymore, because we can’t afford big families. It’s as simple as that. I would love to have 6 kids…but I can hardly afford to take care of 1. And of course it’s a handful. Unless you have a freaking Marry Poppins raising your kids for you, they’re a handful. It’s the nature of children. It doesn’t means it’s a bad handful…it’s just a handful. In American minds, you’re brave to have many children in an awful economy when the US has decided to threaten WWWIII around every corner. Most of my friends who choose not to have children don’t not because they don’t want to…but because of the state of the world. They say if I truly love my child, why would I raise them in a world that’s dying?

        Regardless…you have the right to choose. But you’re trying to judge others right to not have children while berating them for judging you for your choice. You can’t have it both ways. If you want respect and understanding, be respectful and understanding.

    • shortnerdshouting says:

      Amen, sister!

      Also, I had three kids on my own and cannot have anymore…and now I feel super judged for wanting to get IVF to be able to add to my brood.. Apparently I don’t deserve to have another baby if I have to “buy” it.

      • Me says:

        Read the whole article, and I think you’ll find yourself in a category that is not subject to Cassy’s (valid) criticism. You might feel less judged. :)

        Here’s the relevant portion:

        “And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about whether or not people should be waiting so long to have kids, or that there’s anything wrong with being an older parent, or that fertility treatments are evil. The point is that we have a mindset in this country that children are accessories to be added to your perfect life.”

      • Kort says:

        She’s saying if you wait until you have your ducks in a row with a perfect house, career, etc. you may end up needing medical help because you might have waited too long for you body to get pregnant naturally… Not that horrible people use IVF to buy a convenient baby.
        Good Lord she just wants people to be aware that making negative comments about the number of kids she has is inappropriate and sometimes hurtful… She’s not pointing her finger at you.

      • Sab says:

        She did not say IVF was the problem. Reread that section. She is NOT judging those who use IVF. Feeling judged is your problem

    • I am pregnant with my 6th. My oldest turns 10 this year. Yes my hands are full and I admit it but I don’t think the point was that we can’t admit that our hands are full but people judging you negatively for something that used to be either positive or at least neutral.
      I know that when I announced my 6th pregnancy I wasn’t expecting anyone to be excited for us and most weren’t unless it was a friend that also had a large family. I even have had people tell me I was crazy, but I just said “yeah I guess I am.” Anyway I agree that it is different to have a large family and people judge you in ways that are unfair, but there are also the comments I have gotten from older people about our “nice little family.”

    • The irony of a “don’t judge me” post that launches into a insanely insensitive judgement of other peoples’ lives was too much for me to bear. I don’t think it was even passive-aggressive, but outwardly so.

      A shame, too, because I found it all worth listening to until that point.

  3. Rez says:

    First of all I don’t know why people are giving you a hard time. Three kids is…pretty normal…i mean this is coming from someone who grew up around families who had four, five…six…eight…thirteen (seriously) children. I agree that people should really just mind their own business and if families can take care of these kids, if they’re well educated, and well loved then what the hell difference does it make? Didn’t they learn to not say anything if they had nothing constructive to say? If you were to turn around and make comments about them being single, or divorced, or childless surely they would feel offended. It just seems like there’s some kind of double standard here. At any rate, it looks like you have a beautiful family, and don’t listen to the comments. They clearly don’t understand that this makes you happy.

  4. It’s so funny, I was sitting here thinking about how weird it was that all of these people were commenting about how bad having a lot of kids was. Then I remembered what the article was about – people commenting about how bad it is to have so many kids – then I thought, wow, everyone really proved exactly what the writer was saying. It’s odd really, the people who are always talking about being accepting of people who are different are often the first ones to throw stones at the people that are different from them. What is okay to criticize? Nothing moral surely! Criticizing such things as homosexuality or abortion is wrong and insensitive. But it is okay to criticize people with large families and traditional values!

  5. How about you stop the judging says:

    I was with you until you turned the table and started judging fertility treatment. Think of what you said about hearing others judge you for your CHOICE and then think about judging someone for trying to get help to have what you already have (and are defending here.) that’s what you just did. :/ I was sympathetic til then. But alas, you’re no better than the people you’re complaining about. So when you see me and my only living child and judge me for seeking help to have more just remember how it hurt you. It’s hurting me just the same. BTW I’m only 30. Not 42. I “waited” til I was 24 to have kids. So judge away.

    • Me says:

      Here’s the relevant portion:

      “And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about whether or not people should be waiting so long to have kids, or that there’s anything wrong with being an older parent, or that fertility treatments are evil. The point is that we have a mindset in this country that children are accessories to be added to your perfect life.”

      • Amy says:

        OH, so it was a “passive aggressive” judgmental jab. Thanks for clearing that up.

        People follow different paths in life, & your hypocrisy is embarrassing. So just stop.

        P.S….”congrats” that you’re highly fertile, unlike the women who seek IVF who you feel the need to judge simply because they aren’t as fortunate as yourself.

        someone who had their 1st child at 30. Judge away. (passive aggressively, of course).

      • Emily says:

        ” The point is that we have a mindset in this country that children are accessories to be added to your perfect life.”

        So, I”m trying to understand. You believe that having many children is right for your family, and you’ve listed those reasons why you’ve had three children, but those of us with 1 or 2 children, with reasons different than your own, are doing it because we consider children an accessory? Why is your reason of having more children to look after your disabled one, more valid than my reason to wait until we have better health insurance? You’re judging others. Big time.

        I have a hunch that the reason you get comments about your family is that you’re walking around like you have something to prove. Just like this whole blog post.

    • jo says:

      You’re very judgmental and then call the author a judgmental hypocrite? I sincerely hope whatever is truly bothering you you get worked out.

      • This could go on forever, then. Judgemental person gets called out, but calling them out makes THAT person judgemental? Hmmmm…..

  6. Belen says:

    Dear Cassy,
    I totally agree with your article. It is true that society does not accept nor welcome larger families. And all the people that replied negatively to your post didn’t get the point of it or don’t realize the messages that society sends and the politics behind all of this. Your comments about fertility treatments were used as an example, and you yourself said you have nothing against them. It is the mentality behind those who use them… who do see children as a commodity, as something they can get/have when they want it. That is the definition of commodity, and whoever is offended by this should self-reflect about their reasons for waiting to have children or the way they plan their life to come to realize that having children is another accomplishment on their list. And it is true that fertility treatments are all mega expensive, which means you ARE buying the possibility of having a child, whether you like it or not. I feel that your post was right on the money, no pun intended. And all the people that responded negatively were simply defensive because they took some of the comments personally. Regardless, the bigger problem/question is not one about specific comments made regarding large families, but the mentality behind those comments and actions. And it cannot be denied that in this day and age large families are not welcomed, and furthermore, that in the name of tolerance and open-mindedness, many, to not say most, people become completely intolerant to what/who they deem as different…. Sad but true… Congratulations on your family… I hope you have many more, because each child really is a blessing… I am one of nine children, and I would not change it for the world…. And I am 29… from this generation…

    • bummed out by judgemental people says:

      holy crap. I wish you would take a moment to re-read what you wrote: “Your comments about fertility treatments were used as an example, and you yourself said you have nothing against them. It is the mentality behind those who use them… who do see children as a commodity, as something they can get/have when they want it. That is the definition of commodity, and whoever is offended by this should self-reflect about their reasons for waiting to have children or the way they plan their life to come to realize that having children is another accomplishment on their list. And it is true that fertility treatments are all mega expensive, which means you ARE buying the possibility of having a child, whether you like it or not. I feel that your post was right on the money, no pun intended. And all the people that responded negatively were simply defensive because they took some of the comments personally.” You just put everyone who uses IVF into one giant group of people, who apparently have only one reason for using IVF – to add one more accomplishment to their list at a time that is most convenient for them. Oh, and to make it even better, apparently these selfish people are in the baby buying business (babies being one more accomplishment to add to their list). They couldn’t just be hopeful parents, since their paying for IVF is so expensive. Your logic is all over the place. I’m embarrassed for you, and sickened over your hurtful words. And in case you think I’m offended because I’m taking things personally, I am a young, single woman in college who hasn’t even entered a phase in my life where family planning is on my mind. You talk about “whoever is offended by this should reflect on their REASONS for WAITING to have children” or “the way they PLAN their life,” indicating that it is their fault if they have fertility issues, and insinuating that anyone with fertility issues must have done something wrong, waited too long to start a family, or is just plain selfish. Please just stop. Stop the hurtful words and keep them to yourself. It’s not helping anyone, and certainly not the hopeful parents who do not fall into your simple-minded theory that everyone who gets IVF is a selfish asshole.

  7. Beth says:

    To those who are getting offended that she was “being judgemental”, she specifically said “this isn’t about whether or not people should be waiting so long to have kids, or that there’s anything wrong with being an older parent, or that fertility treatments are evil. The point is that we have a mindset in this country that children are accessories to be added to your perfect life.” So…she isn’t bashing small families or anything of the like. She is just talking about an inappropriate mindset many people today have about children.
    To those of you who think she is overreacting, walk a mile in her shoes. Yeah, maybe you haven’t experienced the same criticism she has, but you could at least sympathize.
    Thank you so much for writing this post. I agree with it wholeheartedly. It brings light to a topic that I was wondering about myself. I personally love big families. Really, any family is a joy to have as long as they love eachother. Small or big. :)

  8. Adam says:

    My wife and I are expecting our first in a couple of months, so I’ve never had these responses directed at me personally. However, I have heard them directed at friends with 3 or more kids. I like to stand up for them by saying “Hey, just because your parents didn’t love you enough, as evident by the fact that they never taught you, the very basic yet valuable, lesson of- if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all, doesn’t mean you have to take your mommy and daddy issues out on my perfectly happy and loving friends”.

    Now, while I may not be practicing what I preach, with that response, it has the desired effect, and accomplishes my sole goal quickly and efficiently. The offender usually turns a lovely shade of red and stammers a little, clearly indignant that somebody would take offense to their disparaging comments and condescending looks, before storming off, leaving my friends and I to enjoy our time in peace.

  9. Well, I enjoyed the article and found it to be very true! My husband and I are about to have our sixth child and I frankly get sick of hearing some of these comments from family, friends, and strangers. The one that I hate the most is the “Do you not know what causes that?” What kind of question is that? It’s insulting on so many levels not to mention how dumb the question truly is in the first place.

    I even had someone tell me that if I didn’t get “Fixed” this time that they would do it for me. That’s how ugly people can get towards those who have more than three children.

    Here is my opinion: I am not coming to you asking for help raising my children then you should not be concerned with how many children I have. If you want to start paying some of my bills and putting in parenting hours with my children then by all means I might listen to what you have to say, but even then, it’s my body and my family. If you don’t like how big my family is then you don’t have to be around us. If you don’t want as many children as we have, well then good for you. I am not going to sit there and look down on you for having only one or none, so why make rude comments to others who have more?

    Kudos to you for having such a beautiful family and writing about how rude other people can act about it. I think many people have become a little too loose with their mouths lately. There are many of us that feel the same and I frankly appreciate what you have done here.

    I could not imagine my family being complete without all of our little bundle of joys. All children are a blessing and a gift!

  10. Myrna Goldstein says:

    I’d like to see the study and statistics on how many of these large families are supported by their parents incomes ir supplemented by free lunch, medical for the kids paid by the government, excused from school fees..,oh and are those kids well managed or misbehaving in public or running around the store in five different directions. Have 5 10 I don’t care but YOU support them and pay for them and teach them manners and respect and public conduct.

    • Would it matter? So in this case, the husband is allowed to fight and possibly die for his country (so you can have your freedom) but he can’t ask for any kind of assistance for his children? Maybe you should scope out the statistics about how many of our presidents, famous life altering inventors, scientists, doctors and so forth came from poor families that were on some form of assistance or even placed in foster homes because their families could no longer afford to take care of them and had no option of help from anywhere else.

      But since you are basically saying that your family never needed help from anyone else (family, church, friends, or government) and neither have you….maybe you should help by sharing all of your knowledge with the rest of the world because it seems to be an issue globally. But, I guess it’s okay to send money to children in other countries to help them as long as they are not American. Of course, by your statement it seems like you feel that those that end up in situations where they need help that they do it intentionally. I mean surely no one has ever lost their job due to furloughs or company downsizing. And why not let those children that may or may not get meals anywhere other than school just not be able to eat (because their parent’s chose that situation for them) instead if they can’t pay then they should simply go hungry and the school should continue to throw away perfectly good food because there were leftovers.

      So are your thoughts about the elderly the same? If you ran the government what would it look like for those people? Just curious since you seem like you have it all figured out. It doesn’t sound like your opinion is very well thought out…..I mean what would you do if you found yourself in a situation where you needed help for you and your kids? Would you rather let your children starve than ask for help? What kind of parent would that be?

      Furthermore, what about those who have fewer kids and are not on any kind of assistance and raise complete and utter brats with no manners? Do they not bother you or are you one of them?

      • Brad says:

        So you are saying that about to have 6th child? And you think it’s ok to ask for assistance from the govt? Stop having kids and you won’t need assistance. 6 kids is ridiculous there is no reason for any family to have that many children. Even if you don’t ask for assistance I have a problem with it. Our society is already overpopulated and running out of resources the last thing we need is idiots like you popping out more kids. STOP Being selfish

    • Terri says:

      I know someone who has 10 kids. They are all in high school and college. Because of the number of dependents and family income (and they make just over 6 figures), they are eligible for government grants. Parents pay nothing. I myself have 3 kids and we are not eligible for any government subsidies for our kids. And yes, they were eligible for all sorts of government assistance as the kids were growing up. I think large families are absolutely wonderful but I also believe that the parents should be able to support them and not depend on the government (e.g. US) to provide when they cannot.

      • If that was honestly your belief then why did you try to get on government assistance in the first place or is it mainly because you are mad that you did not qualify? You had to at least try to figure out that you didn’t qualify for something. See people complain about those that “work” the system but then complain because the rules they put in place to prevent people from “working” the system stop them from getting the help too.

        Of course, it is easy to say you don’t agree with something that you do not benefit from and even easier to say that what you are saying because you are mad that you did not qualify. It’s almost like you didn’t make the cheer squad so now cheer leading is not a real sport and they are all ditsy. Pretty much the same attitude.

      • Terri says:

        April, what on earth makes you think I ever attempted to apply for government assistance?? “you had to at least try”? Really? Rather amusing as I am, nor ever was, anywhere near the need for assistance. (I realize I was fortunate). We raised and provided for our boys. All 3 have completed college – at our expense. Again you assume. The person who obtained the assistance to which I refer is the one who has 10 children. I was 30 before I had my first child ( I have THREE boys).

        I traded in a career for a family and it was the best choice of my life. My husband and I made a choice and they are my world. My concern lies with those who have children and cannot care for them financially and otherwise. I did make that clear in my original post.

        I am not down on large families (having come from a family where everyone had 3+). What I am is concerned about those who put little thought into it.

        You are terribly defensive and accusatory and make the most ridiculous assumptions. I will not make assumptions about why you have a chip on your shoulder or what your personal situation may be, but I can speculate.

      • Terri,
        You said “I myself have 3 kids and we are NOT ELIGIBLE for any government assistance”. How would you know you were not eligible if you never tried get some form of government assistance.
        Fine, if you claim that you never tried….then would not the more accurate statement be “we never needed government assistance” instead of we were not eligible.

      • Terri says:

        You are correct April, we never needed government assistance as opposed to we were not eligible. With my husband’s income we are not even in the ballpark, therefore I knew we would never be eligible. Semantics I suppose but then, this is a blog, not a English composition course.

    • Sue says:

      I come from s large family of 7 but of course that was “back in the day”. However, my baby brother has 5 children and he solely supports them all as did my father. I don’t understand why you would naturally assume that large families would require support from their family or government? We were raised to take care of ourselves, our families and NOT rely on any assistance. I know families that have one child that has grown and is now on the system and has 3 children by different father’s. However you look at it assumptions are not good, healthy or reasonable.

    • Andrea says:

      I have five young kids. All under the age of 10. We don’t need any support from the government. We support them all ourselves and are doing a fantastic job of it! We planned on a big family because we felt that was what was right for us. We knew it would cost a lot. I stay at home with the kids and my husband works. Miracle upon miracles, we are just fine without any help! We own a beautiful home, feed our kids great food, have two nice well working cars, and are able to provide those little extras that kids tend to like very once in a while, i.e. games, sports, bikes, scooters, etc… Amazing, right?
      Your statement is ignorant and offensive to assume that most large families need government support. I’m raising my kids to know that they need to be independent and support themselves. They are being taught that education is important. Both my husband and I graduated from college, without loans to pay back as we received scholarships through our hard work with our grades. My kids will be supporting members of society. So stop with the judgements. I’m tired of it and it’s none of your business!

  11. I just wanted to comment on how I find it amusing (and sad) that three kids is considered a “big” family at all. I was fortunate to grow up in a big family (oldest of seven) as well as around big families (ours was pretty average for the area). Yes, my mom’s hands were full, but in a big family there are many more hands to help and play and love. :-) I LOVED growing up in a big family (as did my husband who is second of nine) and we are working on having one of our own. I’m SO excited we found out we’re finally expecting number three. :-)

  12. Fiona says:

    I’m annoyed by anyone that openly judges people…about anything! I can’t handle sanctimonious attitudes about breastfeeding, staying home, or family size. There’s nothing wrong with having one child or 5 children….or none! My only hope is that these children are very very loved. No family is perfect and I’ll throw a pie at anyone who argues ;)

  13. Andy says:

    Contrary to what you’re saying, there is a response to the treatment you are receiving — love. Kill ‘em with kindness. Perhaps, instead of working ourselves up in a rage when somebody makes an insensitive comment, we could tell them how big of a blessing our children truly are. By responding with a grateful attitude to the critical people, we could affect them to be more welcoming of our big, loving families. If you don’t want to take on that responsibility (after all, sometimes its been too long a day), that’s okay; but there is another suitable response to the rude comments and to this nation’s treatment of large families.

  14. ProudMumof1 says:

    I would never express this to someone directly but I frequently wonder why people have so many kids. Not because it’s bad…. I’m just really curious. I don’t always feel convinced that people do it for the right reasons. I hope so though. I think it’s screwed up to cry when you don’t get the gender you want…. and I think it’s suspicious when people with all boys or all girls keep trying over and over for the other gender. I know for a fact that many families keep having kids to get a certain gender. I think that’s so weird.

  15. Children are such a blessing, your family is so cute together…ultimately it doesn’t matter how many kids you have it’s your own choice

  16. I’m surprised you get comments with only three children. You must live in a very child unfriendly place part of the country. You have to have a lot more kids than that in our Latino Catholic part of California for anyone to bat an eyelash!

  17. Baba says:

    Throwing in the “abortion as a convenience” trope? Judgmental, cruel, and completely unnecessary. Really, what did you feel that added to this piece?

    Yes, you’re very lucky. Clearly, you don’t understand HOW lucky.

  18. Rosi says:

    I have 5 wonderful kids, and my husband is in the military, so he is gone from time to time. I dread bringing my children with me to the store. Not because of them, but because of other people and their comments. It takes me nearly twice as long to get my shopping done because I’m being stopped by people asking if they are all mine, wide eyes like they can’t believe I would have that many. Once in about 30, there is someone who is genuinely excited for me and my babies. I’ve heard “Wow, I thought I had it bad!” And that mother said it right in front of her tween daughter and toddler. I completely agree with this article. My favorite lines to respond to “you must have your hands full!” Are “better full than empty” or just say “No, I enjoy my life.” Because my children are getting bigger and I know my older two can pick up that these strangers are talking about them.

  19. irene says:

    I am the mother of 13 living biological children and we are planning on adopting as well. We get all kinds of comments and judgment when people watch us and ficus on our family size. We accept their statements with love and Respond with Humor and love always because Children, by chance or by choice are blessings in my opinion. We chose this as our way of life and I stand strong behind That choice and those who are uncomfortable around us or our choice learn quickly that I Don’t need them to Approve. I am perfectly okay with knowing that their discussed, discomfort, or Amusement comes From a place of ignorance. Once they “know” more than they knew, then and only then will I consider their opinion as a valid one, and still then, I know how I feel and what my Experiences and choices are and I am proud to stand in vigilant love in them.

    As long as I make that clear to all those I encounter, it becomes more of a Joyful encounter And exchange than one of judgment.

    • Brad says:

      Why do feel it necessary to have 13 kids? Are you just that selfish of a person or just some idiot that doesn’t believe in birth control. OVERPOPULATION ITS REAL. We are running out of resources and it’s because of idiots like I have seen commenting in this section about having so many kids. You are right it is your right to choose how many kids you have but it shouldn’t be with ppl like you that can’t use common sense and reason to realize the last thing we need is bigger population. STOP HAVING KIDS.

      • carrie96 says:


        Having 13 kids is not selfish. It takes a very selfless person to not only have but care for 13 children. I only have 3 myself and its the most selfless thing I have ever done.

        To your next point about overpopulation. Based on experts from the 70’s we should have already run out of our natural resources but guess what, where still going. Humans have this amazing tendency to invent new ways of doing things with less. This article helps explain that.


        Also, I saw a great documentary a few years ago about why a larger population is needed to sustain our economy. Unfortunately I don’t remember the name and can’t find it but this site has a tiny bit of the information I had seen in that documentary.

        Here are some quotes

        “Each individual that is a product of a higher population growth rate has the potential to make unique contributions to the society she is born into. Benjamin Franklin had 12 siblings and comedian Steven Colbert is the youngest of 11. Each new human on the planet has the potential to be the one to cure a disease or create a product that serves millions.”

        “Many economists contend that larger numbers of young people energize an economy by growing the productive labor pool, driving manufacturing and services through consumption and increasing the national savings rate. Young people have incentives to save for purposes like home purchases, college tuition for children and retirement plans.”

        Read more : http://www.ehow.com/list_6946719_advantages-high-population-growth.html

        So maybe having more kids is the answer. Honestly I don’t think there is a magic number of children that everyone should have. Each family should have as many children as they can financially and emotionally support. That might be none or it might be 20. I don’t know. That’s a choice for each individual family to make.

        Even if you forget about the studies and science behind either argument (because, lets face it, we can go back and forth all day with different experts saying why we need a larger/smaller population) large families have great benefits. So do small families. I come from a family of 5, my husband comes from a family of 12. We have a great network of people to rely on when we need help. Sometimes life is a little crazy with such a big family but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My friend is an only child. When her parents got sick she didn’t have anyone to help her care for them so she bore the burden alone. Obviously not all small families have that problem and not all large families are one big happy group. One day you just might need help from someone who happens to be a 3rd or 13th child. I hope you are grateful to their parents who chose to selflessly raise that child even when the world mocked them for it.

      • John says:

        Carrie96 you seem like a nice and intelligent person so I’m not going to argue with you. Overpopulation is a real issue. Simple as that. There are already more ppl on the planet than we can sustain without resorting to scientific experiments to create more food. http://www.marketwatch.com/story/climate-report-proves-humans-are-the-new-dinosaurs-2013-10-12. Read that article just 1 of thousands that explain why overpop is a real problem. The stress we put on this planet is crazy. There are over 200 species of plant an animals that go extinct every year due to over pop. There’s a lot of crazy religious types out there that say god wants you to have lots of kids. For those of you that believe this then why would he give us the knowledge to create contraceptives? Use your head and let’s all wok together to get this under control. You don’t need to have 10 children to have a good happy family

      • Deanna Caldwell says:

        Honestly, Brad, why do you feel it is your right to know why someone has 13 children or any other number of children? It is not your right to know anything about anyone else and even if you were told you would still find it unacceptable. Concern yourself with your own life and control it every bit as much as you wish to. If you are worried about over population then don’t have any children. If you are even more worried about over population then off yourself and ease the weight of humanity by one more. Those are your only choices because no matter what you may think and no matter how indignant you may feel, you don’t get to control other people and they don’t get to control you. See how nice freedom is?

      • Brad says:

        Lol wow Caldwell are you joking? Please tell me you are? I should kill myself because others can’t control themselves. I have 2 happy beautiful children already and we have a happy family. And after my last I did what I felt was the responsible thing and went and got fixed. That is one of the main reasons I worry about overpop is because of their future. I don’t want my kids living in a place where there’s not enough room or resources for them to live a happy life. It’s a real problem an just amazes me ppl don’t see it. Even after it has been proven several times the effect on the planet. We have the ability to control it ppl are just so stupid to do it. There is no reason somebody in today’s world should have so many kids. You are right it is their right to have as many kids as they want but it is also my right to have an opinion about it and voice my opinion. I feel that if ppl can’t use logic and reason and help get this under control to help humanity as a whole then 1 day it may not be their right anymore to decide how many. Caldwell I have seen several comments you left about others voicing concern about this issue. You seem like an idiot just sayin

  20. Caitlyn says:

    For me, it’s an issue of putting environmental ethics in front of my own selfish desires. Two children born in a Western country will consume vastly more resources than eight children born in an impoverished country. Zero population growth is a really big issue for me because, well, I want the human race to continue even though I don’t personally want to have children. And if people procreate freely as they have, issues of sustainability will come crashing down upon us in the classic ecological self-checking ways (like climate change). Birth control is good FOR EVERYONE, the whole wide world. I think it’s selfish and narcissistic to assume that your genes deserve more than anyone elses’. To each their own, but when I wrinkle my nose at the lady in the grocery line with 6 kids, it’s because I think, “How could you be so selfish? How could you not consider the rest of the world? What about all those unwanted children if you wanted a bigger family?” Just a different mindset, I think. I enjoyed reading your stance though, just the same.

    • Deanna Caldwell says:

      Well, I think it is selfish and narcissistic to think you have a say in the way another person lives their life. If you are worried about over population then make darn certain you have no more children. You have no other choice in the matter because it is not your right to control other people’s lives and they don’t get to control yours. Thems the ol’ apples! deal with them.

  21. Nichole Cherin says:

    I’m from a large family and so are my parents, my sister has 5 and several of my friends are at 3 or 4 so it’s very normal for me to want a large family. Unfortunately due to some medical issues, it looks like I’m stopping at 1. It breaks my heart that my boy may never know what it’s like to have a brother and that I may never have a little girl to paint my nails with but the comments of having one is hard too. Are you going to try for a girl? When are you having another? Planning anymore? and the inevitable “are you pregnant?” every time I have the flu. It’d sure be nice if people would just mind their own business.

  22. Theo Moore says:

    A long long time ago in a state far, far away. Except can’t even remember the state, think it was Washington state. Can’t remember the show either, It was 60 minutes or something like that. A family had become the last resort for handicapped children in their state. They had children of their own, but only ? one ? was still at home, and they adopted a child and then another. How they segued into it they did not remember but at the time the show was made they had maybe 17 children of whom most were handicapped.

    They had recently adopted two more so as to not break up a brother and a sister old enough to be attached to each other. Were not doing it by themselves. The town they lived in was helping by both deed and donation. One of the stars of the show was a young Vietnamese girl who was pinning diapers on a baby with her toes because she had no arms. The husband had a job and pitched in when he got home. The older children pitched in and helped care for the younger kids. Townsfolk pitched in with care, food, and clothes. Likely cash was also an aid to this family.

    They were not members of my church either, but I remember thinking that this family had to be a foretaste of Heaven.

  23. Pam says:

    Great article and something to really think about. I am the mother of 5, 3 by adoption and then 2 biologically. When I discovered I was pregnant with number 5, I was embarrassed to tell anyone. Even now, we think about having a sixth and I am too embarrassed to even tell my closest friends. But all of my children are a huge blessing and I can’t imagine life without them. I am so thankful I am a mom of all 5. Children are a blessing.

  24. Jessica W says:

    Your attitude towards infertility is pretty cruel. Obviously you have never been through the heart break and devastation of it. I think big families are awesome and want one too, but I found out at 26 I was infertile. So no, I (and many others!!) did not wait too long and certainly do not consider children accessories. We are about to go through the adoption process and we are certainly NOT “buying” a baby!!! We are opening our hearts to become PARENTS of a child who is not biologically ours and who is in need of a family. Not that it’s any of your business, the same as it’s none of my business how many children you chose to have and are BLESSED with.

    If you don’t want people to judge you, perhaps you should not be so judgemental yourself. Large families, small families, biological families or adoptive or foster families…ALL are wonderful things when healthy and loving.

  25. Dane says:

    You have a beautiful family and know that those of us with large families support you in our hearts. We have 4 kids; 9, 8, 5, and almost 2. Two of our kids have special needs and can be a handful.

    Whenever people can have kids on their own, adopt, or even take kids into their homes as their own is a blessing to everyone involved. I do not see an attack with her post or judgement on anyone except for people that make mean and hurtful comments tearing people down who do have more than 2 kids.

    My aunt was like a second mom to me and she never had kids but made everyone a part of her family and took care of anyone in her influence to do so.

    A couple that we know have adopted 2 beautiful boys and gave them a home, they have been married a little bit longer than us but could not have kids as well but desperately wanted them.

    Hopefully we can all see the blessings that we are given on a daily basis and appreciate them and be a blessing to others and help them through the quiet struggles that they go through and not things worse for them.

    We all need to have conviction to stand for what we believe in but hearts open to having compassion.

  26. Terri says:

    I have 3 and never have I received a derogatory comment I do believe people are more surprised if the woman is quite young and has them in close succession. (I was 30 when I had my first). Still, rude comments are uncalled for. There were a few posts regarding cost and the affects on population and those comments are justified. I know some who have large families and they cannot support them without government (or family) assistance. This is especially true if the kids decide to attend college. Of course, this has many up in arms as tax payers are supporting those large families. I am not saying ALL large families – just the ones that literally cannot not afford them. As far as population growth, since 1800 we have gone from 1 billion to 7 billion with an expectation of 11 million by the end of this century. Population has doubled in the last 30 years or so. And I am not speaking of third world countries either. Obviously consumption increases. Can the earth sustain the population? Ocean life is stressed and factory farming is criticized but it is the ONLY way we are able to feed people. I know, not what potential parents are thinking about but we should as it will affect our children and all subsequent generations.This is why some view it a selfish. Imagine if more people decided to have 4-6-10 children?

    • And what you are hinting at is called genocide……let me remind you of what you should have learned in school….let’s recall Germany, Nazi, oh and all of those Jewish people that were killed off basically because they were seen as less human because many of them were poor and poorly educated.

      But, I mean if you are cool with being a murderer that is your decision. It would be a shame though if maybe one of the great future scientist that would help invent something to help curb our problems was never born due to a parent feeling pressured to save the world by having less children.

      FYI about our factory produced food….it’s killing you not sustaining you and yes it is possible for people to go back to growing their own food and get back to those grass root ways of living that will actually better the earth and the people. But I am sure that doesn’t work for someone who is more concerned with mere convenience.

      • Terri says:

        First of all I was not talking, let alone “hinting” about genocide but birth control which I assume you have heard of? Being of Jewish ancestry I know all to well about the extermination of 6 million Jews (MY ancestors) among other “undesirables”. That WAS genocide and has NOTHING to do with population control. Our scientists have invented things to control the population, to PREVENT pregnancy before conception. FYI – I am anti-abortion.

        You “assumed” I was condoning factory farming when quite the opposite is true. The fact that the world finds it necessary in order to feed the population is what concerns me. Our grass roots farms cannot produce enough to sustain the population. I live in a very rural farming community and even they use all kinds of chemicals and pesticides to obtain a higher crop yield.

        It has nothing to do with convenience and everything to do with practicality and facts. You read more into what I wrote and made some incredibly incorrect assumptions. Not to mention straight up saying I am a murdered and concerned with nothing more then convenience.

        Perhaps you should read better,educate yourself more, assume less, be less “sure” about people of whom you know nothing about, and think what you write before you post it.

    • Population control/ genocide….dress it up however you want it…a turd is still a turd is still a turd. Considering you said that you are of Jewish decent then I am very surprised by your choice of wording on that one. But, Hey, whatever makes you sleep better at night. You attacked larger families that cannot afford to have so many children. Yet you seemingly forget that 1) birth control is not 100% effective 2) I do not believe that every family starts out with the dream to “use government support” to provide for their families…sometimes things happen.

      So maybe you should be a little more thorough with your comments and all of that last part that you said applies to me applies to you as well sweetie.

      I have a family of 8 total and you know what…..we have a small organic farm (no pesticides no nothing) along with a few farm animals and we do just fine to feed ourselves as well as plenty left over. So no I do not agree with your statement because there is no solid proof to back it up nor scientific proof because for every article that you can find that says otherwise there are those that go against it.

      While I agree that we all should be more concerned with our future and the health of our planet; however, I think “population control” is not the real problem or the only problem. Greener living, cleaner power and energy efficiency. There are people that are making those changes while not sacrificing their dreams of a big family. As far as people using some form of government assistance to help them, well it depends on what form they use. Much of what the government does was voted by the people to take away from the churches to give to the government. Schools were primarily taught at home or by a school group of parents that had the say over what their children were taught….they gave away those rights for the government to do it. The more we worried about making money, the more we wanted government to step in, and the more rights and freedoms we handed over. But to place our problems solely on big families that need help is absurd. What about those people who never eat any real healthy food and increases the prices for medical care and expenses? What about those greedy medical professionals that just want more money? What about those greedy “big pharma” that would rather keep us sick than really help because that is where the money is? On the flip side of that coin, what about those medical professionals that truly want to help and provide reduced fees or free services….are they wrong for doing such?

      Is this really an argument about where your tax money goes? If it is, then you should really research the people you vote for and help educate those around you about who they are voting for. If you don’t like it, the government was created for the people by the people….do something about it. On that same note, part of your tax money also goes to provide jobs for those people who help with government assistance…..but it also helps fund many abortion clinics….hmmm. Faulty system I agree, but once again….blaming big families is not the answer. The whole point of her article was about how rude and inconsiderate people can be with their words…..would you dare go up to a pregnant woman and tell her she is fat? Most people would not because it is not socially acceptable and is flat out rude. Same goes for some of the comments that she mentioned. What you said fits perfectly here “Perhaps you should read better,educate yourself more, assume less, be less “sure” about people of whom you know nothing about, and think what you write before you post it.” Yes, we all could benefit from that advice with the added caveat “think about what you say before you say it to that pregnant lady”.

      Very interesting comments Terri. I have truly enjoyed this conversation.

  27. Andrea289 says:

    I think a lot of the negative comes from people having kids who cannot afford to have them. Then going on welfare and expecting everyone else to help out. Granted there are some situations where a large family night need to go on welfare, but from the comments I have seen and heard of large families, people think a lot of them are on welfare. The case of the woman in Florida that was on welfare and kept having kids. Then she flat out said “Who is going to pay for these kids”. People do not like the fact they see a woman with 6 kids (usually by different fathers) who act horrible in the store. Their basket is loaded with junk food and she’s paying with food stamps. That is the image that makes people hate large families. I have nothing personal against large families as long as my tax money doesn’t pay for you having them. I think kids are a blessing and people should have as many as they want. But not when you are using having more kids to get more welfare benefits.

  28. Terri says:

    I never said I was blaming large families, let alone “solely” nor did I attack them, so please don’t put words in my mouth. I said that not enough give it much thought. You are correct, the article was about how rude people can be regarding large families. In my initial comment I stated that it was way out of line. It is rude and uncalled for and I find it totally unacceptable that anyone would make such a comment. So yes, I totally agree with you regarding people speaking before they comment to pregnant lady.

    I brought up concerns and never claimed large families to be the problem to anything. I simply reported the population numbers and my concern as to how we as human would handle them. While it is great you do organic farming and can completely feed your family without ever purchasing anything from the store or factory produced, most cannot. Obviously not everyone has the luxury of owning enough land to farm.

    Indeed, some things happen but not several time over. Having a large family is by choice and while I see nothing wrong with it, again, there is the future concern in general.

    I refuse to discuss any further the financial aspect, government or anything else since that is not the point of this topic. You are presumptuous and sarcastic and that makes conversation difficult. Also,I do not have as much time as you seem to have to write lengthy essays on the matter. As I said, I brought a concern for the future, nothing more.

    In any case April, I truly do wish the best to you and your family. Your children are blessed to have been wanted and loved.

    • Deanna Caldwell says:

      Now, how exactly do you know that parents who have several children don’t put enough thought into it? Is it the fact that they did not come to the same conclusion that you came to? I’m sure most families put a lot of thought into how many children they have and despite what you seem to think they are not all living on YOUR tax dollar. It always amazes me how people are so concerned with what happens to the money they donate to taxation. You will hand over the same amount whether it goes to feed a child or build a road. Frankly, I’d rather feed and help educate a child who may grow up to do something wonderful. I was on government assistance for a while when my daughter was little and I refuse to feel guilt. I’ve paid taxes during my lifetime and I’ve accepted assistance to help with my child. But, guess what, my child is now a molecular biologist doing medical research that may someday keep your child from the grave. She was a good investment for you and everyone else and so are many other children. Exactly what do you consider a good use of your taxes if not to help people in need? I cannot imagine anything more selfish than a wish for your money to go anywhere but to help another a person.

    • Terri says:

      Deanna, I said “some” do not give it enough thought, and yes I know a few personally. I never said “all” are living on tax dollars either. My issue is not about money or the tax dollars as much as it is that “SOME” don’t give thought to the future of society in general. I have no problem at all helping those need and yes, I agree with you that money should be spend on children. Indeed the education of children is our future but often our government does not spend the money wisely and who loses out but the children. You are fortunate your child did so well. I know college takes a great deal of work and dedication, not to mention how much you must have cost you (unless she had scholarships – I cannot speculate) as college is not cheap.

      Everyone has a right to be concerned about where their tax dollar goes. Who in their right mind would not be concerned??? And by the way, it is hardly a “donation”!! Donation implies it was given by choice. Why would you be “amazed” that people are concerned where their tax dollars go? It is their money paid to the government and votes are cast to determine how it is spent. You have stated your preference is that money be given to children – your choice. Everyone thinks differently as to how tax dollars should be distributed. Logic tells us that money is needed for many things, including our countries infrastructure. What you consider selfish, another may not. It is, after all, their choice. i guess I am amazed that many (note I did not say all) who have no issue with public assistance, just happen to have had the need for it.

      I will say this yet again…it is not merely about tax dollars. It is about sustaining the future population. The article was about people making uncalled for comments to those with large families. The number of children, tax money, population growth are all intertwined. It is a person choice to want to direct where their money goes, just as it is a choice to have multiple children.

  29. Miss says:

    People assume that because we have 5 kids we must be a blended family, or i get, ‘are they all yours?!?’ Look at them – they clearly all have the same parents! Ha!

  30. Jessica Wilson says:

    You lost me at “more kids mean more people to take care of Wyatt when we’re gone”….Who says your other kids are going to want to take care of Wyatt when you all all gone? Who are you to make the call that you can “burden” them with his care??? I’m not being mean, I’m just being realistic. They may very well want to take on the responsibility of Wyatt, but then again, they may not….

    • cassyfiano says:

      That’s not the reason I have more children, it’s my response when people say we shouldn’t have more. No, I’m not going to burden them with that responsibility. We’ll have a trust set up for his care after we’re gone and will do the best we can to have everything arranged. But the point is that more siblings for Wyatt increases the chance that at least one of them will be happy to take care of him, as opposed to if you only have one sibling. If they don’t feel up to it, you’re just SOL, whereas having three or four siblings means that if one or two of them doesn’t want to, there’s a good chance that the other one or two would want to do it. More children just increases that likelihood. And again, that’s not WHY we have more, it’s just an added benefit and a rebuttal to the “you have a kid with DS, so don’t have anymore kids” argument.

      • Melanie says:

        Again, like I’ve posted earlier. Even assuming that your chances increase with more siblings isn’t fair because you are still assuming that at least 1 could take charge. It very well may be true (as it sort of happened for me) but when planning for Wyatt’s long term care, seriously assume that none of his siblings will take charge for the safest type of planning. It is honestly not fair to ask them what their plan is; and when that time comes, what happens when they all say some sort of “no”?

      • cassyfiano says:

        Who said we weren’t planning for that? Anyone? No. The point specifically is a rebuttal of people saying that parents of children with special needs should NOT have more children. Again, there are trusts specifically designed to handle this exact thing if none of his siblings want the responsibility.

      • doug gonser says:

        First of all, if you have a loving, non_selfish family, helping take care of a brother or sister with special needs wouldn’t be a burden. That’s more rare than people may realizes these days. The world has become a me, me, I world. This whole conversation is full of people that just want things convenient and easy and having a large family isn’t always a cake walk. They just see their agendas and what they want and not taking into consideration other peoples rights. Good example, “if you want more than one child, adopt. There are lots of children needing adopted. I agree there are. GOD gave us the power to procreate and it’s a GOD given right. Children are a part of us. There are people on here that talk about how hard it is to adopt. It’s a valid point. Hence, it’s a lot easier and less heart ache if you can have your own. If a person wants children, They shouldn’t be put down whether they have them naturally, implant, adopt, whatever. One major point people aren’t seeing here is there aren’t so many orphans because of people that want large families. It is mostly because of people that were unwilling to take on the responsibilities of a parent. They are the ones that should not have children if they don’t want them. I know people including myself that have large families and I don’t know one child that says ” I wish I didn’t have any brothers or sisters.” Don’t put down people that want large families. Don’t put down people that don’t. Don’t put down people that adopt. Don’t put down people that have an implant. Do what you want and allow others the same right. Come on people. It isn’t that hard. Oh one last thing. There are things in life meant to make life hard and a challenge. One of them are people brainwashing people. I have been to about 16 countries I believe. I also believe there are places that are in bad shape and people are starving. It’s not because the world is over populated at all. There is lots of room. It’s because of ignorance, greed, selfishness, and a lack of caring and love by the ones running the world that this goes on. Billions upon billions are wasted every year for stupid things in this country alone. If they used that money for a good purpose like helping people, there wouldn’t be any starving people. You believe what you want. I believe what I have seen with my own eyes and know for fact, not what someone wants me to believe.

      • Melanie says:

        Doug, it is hard… but i did not say it is a burden. Do you have one special needs sibling of your own or a child? If you don’t, then you’lll never truly understand that I overall am an unselfish, caring person, but I refuse to not take care of myself and have my own family too… something my own parents thought I would do as well bc I am the other child that can take over when they are gone. One cannot take care of another if he or she does not take care of him/herself first. Otherwise it’s not healthy.

        And Cassie, yes there are trust funds but it is way more complicaTed than that. I set up two special retirement funds bc I know that some of those trust funds take away money from SSI sent to the individual- one for myself and hopefully a fanily, the other solely for my brother’s expenses. The housing options are getting more and more limited and wait lists are ridiculously long. Respite care providers have a high turn-over rate and I may have periods of time where I have to sub in. It is tough- I hope that you understand I am coming from a concerning place. I hope that you truly will help your other childen/guide them towards the future. Because doing it on my own is tough while trying to imagine how to fit a family of my own and not sacrificing time away from them. Again, I do not mind if you would like to email me personally to talk about this, as I am essentially the role you hope one of your children will take upon 20 years from now.

      • Doug says:

        I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear. I said if you have a loving, non_selfish family, helping take care of a brother or sister with special needs wouldn’t be a burden. I meant in her case the whole family could help that would make it easier. I didn’t say it was the responsibility of one person especially if they are struggling to take care of them self and their family. I know it is tough out there. I also know there are single parents out there as well. Raising a family is one of the toughest jobs there is. The fact is that only a small percentage of people are wealthy and the the rest of us work hard to make ends meet while making them wealthy. It’s the way of the world. We just make it the best way we know how. I pray thing go well for you and yours.

  31. John says:

    First off love kids. Have 2 of my own because I feel that is plenty. But I don’t agree with ppl that have 5,6,7, or more kids. It is selfish. Why do you feel it necessary to have that many kids? We have over 7 billion ppl in the world already over population is a real thing.

    • jo says:

      Raising the next generation is SELFISH of all things? How on earth do you figure?! I suppose teachers or others who live to help others are too. I’m sorry, but your comment honestly sounds more self-centered than the hard work of childrearing.

      • John says:

        I’m not sure what the hell you are talking about? Teachers? What? No raising the next gen is not selfish. Just in case didn’t read the first part of my comment I have 2 kids myself. I said having that that many kids is selfish. Tell me why somebody would need 5 kids in today society? 1 good reason! Do you not think are planet is overpopulated already? You think it’s ok if every family just had 5+ kids? Our pop has quadrupled in past few decades. We are living longer now our society is not built for large families it’s that simple.

    • Deanna Caldwell says:

      Why do you feel you even have the right to ask that question? Why do you feel you have the right to choose for another person what is right for them? You, sir, are the selfish one who seems to believe that your conclusion about life is the only right conclusion. I do not get to decide that you have six children and you don’t get to decide that I have two. You will just have to deal with the consequences of that sort of freedom.

  32. Katie says:

    You can’t win, it’s ridiculous. My husband and I don’t want any kids, and people always respond with “do you just not like sex?” “maybe God has other plans” (then they snicker as if they assume that “god’s plan” involves me having a crap ton of kids), “But you’re a woman! You don’t want kids?” “Who is going to put you in a nursing home?” “You’ll regret that later!”
    Then you have one baby and they ask when the next one is coming. You just want one? “But.. don’t you WANT more kids? That’s sad!” “don’t you want your child to have a sister?”

    Then three is “too much.” If these people made disgusting remarks like they did to you I would have lost my mind. I thought I got rude remarks. Good grief. People suck.

  33. Siinew says:

    Why don’t you stop overpopulating? It’s always the fervent religious morons who think they have the right to breed uncontrollably. You’re making an ass of yourself and you’re raising a bunch of little Christian freaks just like yourself who will continue to breed as well because that kind of ignorance is all they know.
    Your big family and its demand on resources is killing everyone else who is willing to stop at 2 or maybe 3 tops. Stop being a greedy turd, please.

    • Deanna Caldwell says:

      Siinew, Why don’t you stop showing your utter ignorance and stop generalizing. I am as far from a Christian as it is possible to get and I believe it is my right to choose for my family and your right to choose for yours. I won’t make you have six kids and you won’t make me have one because that is the freedom works in this country. if you don’t like it, go elsewhere. Just stop being an ignorant narcissistic turd and get over yourself.

  34. Luicina says:

    My mother and father had 14 in 20 years. From 1964 – 1984, in a time where people weren’t really doing that anymore. 11 girls and 3 boys. There are still 11 of us now. We consider ourselves very lucky to have grown up with so many siblings.

  35. John L says:

    Wow. Unfortunately you opened yourself up for the vitriol that has been spewed here. I’m a dad of 8, would have had more, but my wife had had some health issues so we made the decision to stop. I have a few things to say to the naysayers and tree huggers.

    Overpopulation. I teach my kids to be responsible with the earth, garden take care of things… Additionally they know how to work, really work. They’ll likely be doing the feeding if people need fed.

    Sex. My wife and I enjoy our intimate time together, that’s right, sex is wonderful, at least for us. Sorry that you don’t have that experience.

    Hands Full. Yup, we do. But we somehow also have the capacity to take in other kids when necessary to help, we’ve taken in our nephews, a friends child for a few months, etc… And somehow they all come out of it having learned good lessons about how to live.

    Gov’t Assistance. I lost a job, got some help a long time ago, then guess what, I worked my a$$ off and within a year or so found a better gig then I lost in the first place.

    Oh, and we somehow do all of this on one income and we HOMESCHOOL! Yikes!

    Now, lay on the vitriol! Because I have a secret. In 40 years, when I am old and feeble, surrounded by my grandchildren and a few great grandchildren, with a huge family that loves me and cares for me, your tune will likely be different. None of what is said by you matters.

    • Terri says:

      I think it very commenable and responsible that you provide for your children. I know it cannot be easy. Home schooling is wonderful and no doubt more wotprk for you but you put your family first and that is what matters. My only questions then are 1) are you able to save and secure your retirement top rainy care toy may need as you age? 2) what if your children wish to rapt tend college? Do you have money set aside or will you pay when the time comes?

      • John L says:

        Terri –

        Great questions. I do want to preface this with the fact that I have a unique set of skills that have been very good for my career, I am blessed with them and give thanks. Having said that, We drive a late Hyundai Santa Fe and a Ford Econoline e350, many of my peers have nicer cars and perhaps nicer “things” but building a life around things doesn’t suit me very well.

        Now, for saving for myself I save about 5% of my income, a good amount, but not as much as I would like to. On the positive note my company matches that. As for college, I had no help from my parents, and am in fact still attending after taking several years break to get my masters. My wife and I have agreed to provide for the equivalent of 2 years of school for our kids and we will play the rest by ear. Simply stated they will have a home here as long as they are making forward progress, they can take out loans for their schooling, we can provide a roof over their head. We are blessed to live in a city that has a good four year school, a world renowned engineering school and multiple technical school options.

        Also note that my kids to age appropriate understanding can cook. clean, do laundry, are proficient at computers and can generally take care of things on top of their educational and extra curricular endeavors.

        Do those comments answer your questions?

    • Terri says:

      John, I must say I am very impressed. You and your wife not only focus on raising your children now, but have planned for the future. That is quite rare. Even people with only two children don’t always plan for the years beyond 18. Yes, you are very fortunate to have a career that enables you to care for your children now, save for the golden years and your children’s future. Unfortunately, many who have larger families don’t think that far ahead. I know one family with ten children and they follow the “God will provide” idea. They support their family without any assistance but have no savings. At 18 the kids will app,y for grants, which I’m sure they’ll re eive, for college. I know others who have 1-5 children (that is not a problem). The problem is they barely get by, aren’t married or no father in the picture, and are in public assistance. I personally don’t think it’s as much a money issue as it is a responsibility issue. Love is the most important factor of course, and while I’m sure they live their kids, many cannot provide the basics for them. I think that is what upsets many people, the fact that so many put no thought I to the long term well being if their children.

      I still have concerns regarding population growth and the worlds ability to sustain it. Factory farming isn’t good and yet, our only solution (to date) to feed the multitudes. I worry consumption will one day out weigh what can be provided. Logically, if everyone had large families (say 8-10), we couldn’t keep up. But…we know most have a few and some have none. Perhaps that is a balance?

      You really are more the exception rather then the rule I’m not just referring to monetary issues but Being involved in their lives, teaching them, preparing your children for the future and to be self sufficient. I wish there were more parents like you, whether they have one child or ten.

      I wish you and your family the best.

      • John L says:

        Terri –

        Thank You, appreciate the positive response. I understand the overpopulation concerns. In all honesty for my family (my side) I am the only one with my family name even having kids, my brother and uncle aren’t. So if you spread it out, I think it is a balance. I don’t think their are right or wrong answers. But I do believe that it is important to understand that if you have children and you don’t want the gov’t to raise them and be dependent on it, you have to live a certain way. Where I do not think we should all wait for the perfect job, I do think prudence is not a bad idea. I won’t lie, we have had some tough years, my wife and I… We started with our first, who were twins at 19 & 20. So we were very young, everyone told us that we would not stay together that it wouldn’t last… Now we’ve outlasted most of those ‘friends’ marriages. We work hard to always put the family first and I hope are raising our kids to be good, honest, hardworking people. That is what we ask of them, I’m hopeful that we also give them the tools to lead lives that are reasonably comfortable and give them the ability to reach out and help others.

        I do wonder though, what if every family that could, kept a garden? Maybe a few less extra curricular activities and more time working with the soil, maybe canning and preserving food? Would we be having the discussion on farming? We aren’t 100% organic/unprocessed, but we do what we can and are constantly working to eliminate the worst stuff from our diets and replace it with things we grow or friends grow… If more people did this, maybe we’d all be in better shape, be a bit less dependent on the mega-farms and more self reliant. :)


    • Terri says:

      John –

      Loved your comments about gardening and canning. While our concerns about sustaining the population may be off topic – it is related! I couldn’t agree with you more. I live in a rural farming community, though I grew up in the city. We have a small garden and I do can (although not from my garden – we just don’t have the green thumb). I have 3 boys and middle one lives rural and has quite a large garden so it has rubbed off. If everyone had just a big enough garden, think of the difference it would make. Logically that will not happen given how many live in urban areas. And, as you mentioned, it would require them to give up extra curricular activities. Lets face it, most simply don’t wish to do that and opt for convenience. Our world is too fast paced and relies on convenience BUT….we can hope! :-)

      Children definitely “learn what they live”. Your instilling in your children the attributes of honesty, independence and helping others. I know people who have 1 or 2 children and sadly, they are not instilling them good values. So…it is not always the amount of children you have, but how your raise them. While it is not my place to say that some people shouldn’t reproduce, I can say that people such as you and your wife are the ones who make a difference by how you think and raise your children. Your children will make a positive difference in the world we leave to them, of this I have no doubt!


  36. I am amazed at how many people find the time to leave hateful ugly responses to your simple message. All you were trying to get across is the message that we should more widely embrace and encourage those who have chosen to have larger families. How about, those who are “spewing vitriol” as another poster said, choose to follow the adage “If you can’t say something nice, don’t speak” and focus on the overall message instead of picking apart the message bit by bit to find some aspect that is offensive.
    Your family is beautiful, people are rude. And thats just how it goes. I love the above comments encouraging you to use those moments with rude people to share your message of loving big families.
    I have 4 beautiful kids and one day while I was buying 10 dozen eggs, a well meaning man commented that I must be feeding an army…yes I replied, an army of my own children. I have four, I commented (they were at home with Dad). He was shell shocked and said “You can’t possibly have 4 kids, you aren’t old enough” (I get that a lot)..”You must have started really early!” for once my mind was clear and instead of being offended at his assuming I was a teenage mom, I responded.

    “Actually, I got married at 20, and had my first at 22, so while the rest of people my age were still living it up, pretending that partying till 4 am and sleeping with a variety of guys but still being completely alone is fun…I was changing diapers and staying up till 4 am rocking my baby. And NOW, while I am in my 30’s my children are growing up adding to my life and helping me out around the house…while my friends are just starting their families and are STILL exhausted and up till 4 am. I will have all my children gone from home before I even hit 50 and my husband and I will be free to travel, enjoy life and see the world. We will be free to do as we choose, and enjoy the fullness of life together…while my friends are still dealing with PTA and pre-teenagers. So you tell me….. Who’s doing it backwards?

    • Terri says:

      Alesha –
      Who’s doing it backwards? Are you implying that those who began having children, whether 2 or 8, are wrong? You made your choice to begin young. Isn’t it their choice to wait until they are ready? What about those who have difficulty becoming pregnant? I was with you up until that point. You spoke of saying something nice, of rudeness,. Don’t you think those comments were rude?

      The entire last paragraph of yours had nothing to do with large families. It was all about how you did it “right’ by having kids young and your fire pond, who waited, had it wrong. Yes I know it stemmed fron people assuming you were a teen mom but wow….where do you get off saying others got it backwards? That comment is NO different then those who say large families have it backwards.

      • I think a lot of people fall into the habit of looking down on others to elevate their own self-confidence. I’ve done it before, I can sure tell you that. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t. Down the road, though, it won’t give you the long-term happiness you’re looking for, just a short-term ego boost. There’s more to existence than judging others – work on you and the rest will follow.

      • Deanna Caldwell says:

        I think her rant was directed toward those who complain about young mothers. In actuality, nature did intend for women to have their children while young but our society has made it almost a stigma to do so. While waiting is not wrong, it isn’t as nature meant it to be and that’s why so many woman have trouble getting pregnant when they finally do attempt to become pregnant.

  37. Mary Frances Friedl says:

    Wow, I think that these responses confirm exactly how valid your assertions are concerning hostility to large families.

    Contraception has changed people’s fundamental understanding of what it is to be a parent. Once having children becomes a decision on the part of parents, then parenthood is mechanical, not organic,and someone had better be controlling the on/off switch. If the parents are poor, then that switch had better be off. This sounds a lot like an endorsement of eugenics. How can so many people be concerned about organic food and natural cleaning materials while expecting humans to use something as unnatural as contraception?

    I am also amazed at how many people think it is selfish to have a large family. Of course if someone thinks of children as consumer items instead of priceless gifts from God, then maybe this makes sense. In practical terms, however,all things being equal, parents of large families have less spending money, less time and less freedom than parents of smaller families. They make these sacrifices because they value their children more than they value the things they sacrifice for them. They also do not make these sacrifices for themselves only. They make them for all the people who will ever benefit in any way from the existence of their children. Children aren’t just a gift to their ;parents. They are a gift to all those who will ever love them and all those who they will love. They are a gift to all those they will help, work for, work with, befriend, pray for, etc.It’s beyond bizarre to expect parents to do a cost benefit analysis of each addition to their family. How can they possibly measure what contribution each child will eventually make to the world? Shouldn’t they simply trust that each child will be precious and have value, value that comes not just from making a contribution but also from just being? Can they not trust that God will help them provide for their children because he loves them even more than their parents will?

  38. Heather says:

    In 1990 in Santa Cruz, CA. I was being rolled out of the operating room (c-section) into recovery when the nurse asked me if this baby was my first. I said no he’s my third. She then said “Haven’t you heard about birth control?” Way to put a downer on a glorious event :(

  39. Doug says:

    I have to laugh at all these people that think the world is over populated. I have been to over a dozen countries and I’ve seen plenty of room. Poverty isn’t the same as over populated. There has always been those with a lot and those with almost nothing. There really isn’t a need for anyone to be starving. Billions of dollars go to charities every year that are for foreign countries. The truth is only about 2% of the money goes for what it is meant for. The CEOs and others running them get the brunt of it. Why would someone really concerned about hunger and people starving have to make 6 or 7 figure incomes. That’s reality. Greed, pride, vanity, selfishness, is where the problem really lies, not people wanting to have large families. Have you ever seen a person that started a major charity starving? Get real people. Did you know the Kings ranch in Texas is said to be as big as the state of Rhode Island. That sounds way over populated to me. I don’t have a lot of money. I served this country for 12 1/2 years and I’m a disabled veteran. I have 9 children and 26.22 acres of land in the mountains because that’s what I wanted. I fought for freedom for this country and no one is going to tell me how many children I can have. I also wont tell them how many they should or shouldn’t have. This is America. People concentrate on stupid things that are a joke instead of focusing on what’s really happening in this country. I love America, but it is being handed to the evil and corrupt and people are worrying about the size of a family and over population. This country will spend millions on watching some species breeding habits. Get real people. I know I’m not sounding very polite, but this whole mess is a joke. For all you that don’t want children or maybe 1 or 2 that’s great. Do that. No one has the right to tell you you are wrong. For those wanting large families the same respect should be shown. As far as welfare, there are people on it with 1, 2, or no children. LOL

    • Doug – Thank you for your service to our country. If more were like you, we wouldn’t have the mess we are in right now. This whole conversation brings one thought to mind with the overpopulation people. That if you repeat a lie enough, it is still a lie, even though you may have convinced yourself that it is true. We DO NOT have an overpopulation problem in this country, other parts of the globe may have it, but you know that that was caused by bleeding heart liberals, spreading “aid” to other countries without considering the fact that if you upset the balance between birth rate/death rate without educating the population, establishing land ownership, women’s rights and initiating industrialization, and balancing natural resources in the process you end up with millions/billions of poor people who keep having babies who have no hope of real improvement in their lives. It’s a sad state, so much misery created in the name of “charity”. I’m sorry if it sounds harsh, but it is harsh, that is the world we live in today.

      I’m sure I’ll get some flak for this, but it’s the truth, laid bare…

      • Doug says:

        The truth gets attacked all the time. It’s cased by people that are narrow minded. Kind of like the people that say it must be true, I saw it on TV or the internet. lol

  40. Denise says:

    I think you are incredibly blessed. I am struggling to have 1 kid, I was one of the one’s that waited. Not necessarily because I was waiting to get my ducks in a row, but it’s nice that they are getting that way. But because I thought that I needed to be married and settled first. Now I’m 38, still unmarried, and dealing with infertility. Have your babies early, and as often as you want – I wish I would’ve.

  41. As a father of four kids (ages 7, 5, 3, and 18 months; blessings that sometimes drive me crazy), I always turn it back on them. I tell them I parent at expert level while they are still just practicing. I also drop “it doesn’t count until your kids out number you” every once in a while.

  42. anhela says:

    People are so ready to be offended. …that they read an article trying to make bit say something that it doesn’t. Ugh. I’ll read the article and stop reading the comments. People!!!

  43. Hi there! We have 4 kiddos and one of them happens to be a little special needs kiddo named Wyatt. I am so glad more people are speaking up about how much of a blessing large families are! Thank you!

  44. Adam says:

    Currently I have a 9 year old and twin 3 year old’s. My wife and I get these rude comments all the time. I don’t bite my tongue either. I fire right back at them. I usually respond with “Excuse me, but I’m pretty its none of your F—— business nor your place to make that statement.” or I respond with “I hope you don’t breed, there are enough a——– already like your self.”

  45. I completely agree with you!!! My husband and I have been trying to have children for almost 5 years now and people love to comment on that as well. When did it become socially acceptable to comment on a couple’s love life at all, especially a stranger’s?

    I wish people would realize that they don’t get to give others permission for how many children to have and when to have them. Those decisions are between the couple, NOT between the couple and everyone else they’ve ever met.

  46. April says:

    I get the same comments! I am a mother of 4 ages 6 to 17. I often get asked if they have the same dad which can be annoying at times, since I have been married for almost 20 years. I also get asked what religion we are. Anyway, My husband and I both come from large families and wouldn’t have it any other way.

  47. Charlene says:

    Beautifully put, being a mother is an honor and sacred responsibility that we are so lucky to experience. Thanks for your honesty and please do have more children, the world needs more children who have great mothers like you!

  48. Kim says:

    The existence of space on this planet that has not been turned into an apartment complex does not support the statement that overpopulation is false. It is very real and has major, devastating consequences which we soon will not be able to return from. Climate change, overpopulation, rapid loss of fresh water sources, the necessity for industrial farming to feed an ever-growing population which in turn perpetuates the issues of climate change, loss of fresh water sources, antibiotic resistance, etc… these things are ruining our planet and our health. Our choices affect all those around us, unfortunately, so to assume your choices are no one else’s business is false. If someone acts in a way that puts you and/or your family in risk, you have a right to speak out about it. Being rude or disrespectful is never acceptable, but imagine seeing someone else’s choice(s) putting you, your family and your community in danger and trying to be amiable about it.

  49. Carole Brideau says:

    I read your story and i would say that you are blessed. I dont have the chance to have any and you and your husband are very lucky. It is hard for me to ear thoses comment because you have the chance I will ever have. God have give you a wonderfull gift. Be proud of it!

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